Alternative Energy through Ingestion of Three-Legged Nuclear Crow Deities

BGM: Lullaby of a Deserted Hell

Remember how I said Kanako caused every problem for the next three games? Well, this time she decided it would be a great idea to get into alternative energy by bestowing powers of nuclear fusion to a random bird.

                                A tengu newspaper as shown in Hopeless Masquerade

Okay, let’s back up a bit. Kanako and company parked their shrine on a mountain, and on that mountain are lots of youkai. So many, in fact, that it is known as “Youkai Mountain”. Among these are two of the most organized youkai societies, the tengu and the kappa. (To summarize: the tengu do newspapers, the kappa do weird gadgets.)

Since their shrine is on a mountain full of youkai, humans don’t really visit much, meaning most of their faith comes from youkai. Specifically, Kanako was trying to appeal more to the kappa, who were responding well to her earlier efforts at industry (a tech fair involving an inflatable giant robot). So she decided to branch out into alternative energy – nuclear power. Fitting: with all the fears about nuclear power, it’s becoming “forgotten” by the Outside World.

In her search for a sustainable energy source, Kanako decided on Former Hell. Yes, Former Hell. It filled up, so they made a new, bigger one somewhere else. Despite no longer being in active use, various residents remain, including a great underground city and a big mansion inhabited by a mind-reader (Satori, in both name and species) with too many pets.

                                                   Atomic Fire 「Nuclear Fusion」

Underneath the aforementioned mansion (the Palace of the Earth Spirits) was Former Hell of Blazing Fires, which consisted largely of… blazing fires. That’s what Kanako wanted to use for energy. Being disused, though, the fires had gone out. In order to restore its functionality, Kanako granted one of Satori’s “pets”, Utsuho “Okuu” Reiuji, the power of Yatagarasu, a god of nuclear fusion.

As you might imagine, suddenly giving a recently-born animal youkai powers of nuclear fusion turned out not to be a very good idea.

Okuu reignited Former Hell of Blazing Fires, as Kanako hoped. However, she continued igniting it. Actually, she melted it. And she planned to melt the surface, too. This was also Kanako’s fault. She had told Okuu that with this power she could “fulfill the wishes of the worlds both above and below the surface”. Okuu, being a birdbrain, interpreted this as “melt everything and take over Gensokyo”. Kanako picked Okuu specifically because she was a birdbrain and so, she thought, easy to control. However, Kanako failed to account for the fact that stupid people do stupid things, and so she gave nuclear power to someone who was in no way responsible enough to have it. Perhaps we should have taken a lesson from that, instead of doing the same thing.

「Hell and Heaven Meltdown」

Anyway, another of Satori’s pets, worried about Okuu, drove evil spirits up to the surface, hoping that some strong youkai would come down to stop her. The strong youkai were feeling lazy that day, so Reimu came instead. Reimu made her way down and beat her up until she came back to her senses, as is her usual modus operandi.

Once Okuu calmed down, Kanako’s plan actually worked pretty much as intended. Okuu was taught to operate a nuclear reactor, which provided plenty of energy for the kappa and others. Since it was fusion rather than fission, Former Hell wasn’t horribly irradiated. Everything somehow turned out for the best.

So what have we learned?

• Don’t give nuclear weapons to idiots
• Make a nuclear reactor in Hell for tons of clean energy
• Everything is still Kanako’s fault

Kanako being smacked with a newspaper for her crimes